What did I do?

Something happened in the past few weeks, right around Fantu’s birthday, suddenly she hated me. Overnight I went from being best Mom ever to I can’t even stand to be in the same room/house/planet/insert any location here with you.  I really wish I knew where this was coming from. She complains that I favour Abate and that he gets away with so much more, he gets to come and go as he pleases, and stay over at friends’ houses without asking.  She is treated so unfairly.

I have tried explaining to her that Abate is older and he has been driving for over a year. He has shown that he is responsible and can be trusted. He has earned the privileges that are appropriate for his age. He does have to let me know where he will be at if he is staying overnight or if he is going to Waco. He is not allowed the freedom to come and go as he pleases, even though to Fantu she thinks he is. She has it in her head that she should be treated equal to Abate even though he is two years older. I have tried explaining it to her in so many different ways that privilege comes with age.  She just refuses to accept it. The privileges she has now are similar to what Abate had when he was her age.  

Alan and I are now trying to figure out what has led to this and where do we go with it. I’m not sure if she thought when she turned 15 everything would magically change and now she upset that it is still business as usual or if there was one particular incident (of which I am clueless about) that triggered this. I also can’t help but wonder if there are some bad influences within her group of friends that are stirring up these emotions. I don't dislike all of Fantu’s friends, she has several I really like. There are a few that I just don’t trust and they are often disrespectful to adults. Fantu is aware of how I feel about them too.

 I have a feeling Alan and I are going to be even more hated before we can turn this around but I cannot cope with this hatred and anger she has thrown at us. We have been discussing this morning how we are going to deal with it. Alan has told her no driving lessons until her attitude improves. Not learning to drive will delay her getting her license thus delaying those freedoms she desires so much. Just after I noticed the changes in Fantu's attitude I  told the kids that the first weekend of the month is family weekend. I’m easing them into it by starting it late on Saturday afternoon and running through Sunday. I plan on it eventually being for the entire weekend.I also wanted to do this as their schedules are so busy we get to spend any real quality time together and they've only a few short years before college. I had also told Fantu that she can only stay at each friend’s house once during the month. They can stay over at our house any of the other remaining nights.  Abate had been staying over at several of his friends’ houses quite a bit but that has changed with the start of soccer season. He does stay at Elmer’s nearly every weekend, but we all know the importance of Elmer in this family. I’m also thinking Fantu needs to spend some time in the community. I think I am going to insist that she volunteer after school at the Boys & girls Club. It would only be on days when she doesn’t have soccer but I think she needs to be engaged in something more productive than hanging out at Bush’s chicken spending her money on her friends.  I am going to be so unfair and evil if I do these things to her because Abate was never treated like this when he went through his “hateful spell” .  I think the difference with him was that I knew his was totally hormone driven.  I had been down that road before, it wasn’t easy then and it wasn’t easy with him, but I knew how to get past it and come out on the other side. 

I am really praying that we can get Fantu back to her normal loving self pretty soon.  I love Fantu so much.  I am hurt. I am angry. I am frustrated. Fantu is all those things too.

 Life is not very happy in the doghouse right now.