Funerals, they vary by country, culture, region, religion. In some cultures it will be a week or more from the day of death until the day of the funeral. In other cultures the body must be buried within twenty four hours. Here in Texas three is the norm, sometimes it will be in two days if most of the family is close, if there is family that must travel from afar then it may be five. I've lost so many loved ones over the years to know I hate the limbo between death and burial. I insisted my Mom's funeral would be two days after her death. She died on Friday at 12:00 pm her funeral was Sunday at 2:00. It took a bit of doing, The funeral home wasn't in any rush, they wanted to wait until Saturday morning to meet to make arrangements. No I said, I want the service on Sunday and I do not want to go to bed tonight worrying about the arrangements. Ok so we'd meet at 4:30. My sister Ginger would be there with me to share the decisions, Candy was en route from New Orleans to G'Ville, I would keep in touch with her by phone as we made the decisions. We had to decide on a casket to get it ordered before 5:00 so it would be delivered the next day. We were unable to get our first choice so we moved on to a slightly more expensive one, but it was in the end just perfect. Obituaries wouldn't run in the papers in time and would only get delivered to the businesses that are opened on Saturdays. That's fine, family and her closest friends had been notified. They are the ones that would want to attend. First thing Saturday morning my sisters and I went to order the flowers for the casket. Pinks, whites and some lacy green leaves were our requirements. We knew that we would be limited to the flowers that they would have on hand. It couldn't have been more perfect., it was an amazing arrangement, pink roses, gladioli both white and pink, same with the snap dragons. There were also massive pink lilies. Beautiful green ferns, large leaves and classical Belles of Ireland.
We initially picked some music that would be piped in at several different times. A bit impersonal but yet can be meditative. I did want to personalize it so I asked Fantu if she could learn Amazing Grace by Sunday afternoon. She had to think about it and went back and forth until Saturday afternoon. She did however that entire time learn and practice constantly. By Sunday morning she had it perfected. She would open the service singing Amazing Grace a Capella. She sang like an angel. Mom would've loved it. She was very proud of her two Ethiopian grandchildren. She never said anything to me or them, but so many others would come up to me and say how much she loved to talk about them, that she was so proud of them.
Saturday afternoon was a private family viewing. We all came in and out at different times. Mom was beautiful. We dressed her in a pale pink cashmere sweater that my Dad had given her the Christmas before he died. She was always so lovely in it.. The casket was white with a touch of pink, it had pale pink roses embroidered on the panel above her. She looked like she did on her best and happiest days. The pain, sadness, and years of illness had been lifted. We could see it in her face as soon as she passed that she was free of burden and had been embraced by those she loved that were waiting for her.
The viewing that night brought friends and family. It was a time to remember her life. I had gathered many of the old and new photographs I had of her, I framed the ones that weren't. I spent time adding a few personal and decorative touches to some inexpensive frames. They showed her life, her family, her love and her beauty.
We left at 8:00 pm, 18 hours until her funeral.I hate the limbo as time drags by. It was another of the reasons I wanted the funeral so quickly. When my son died we waited days, it was hell.
The service was lovely. The sermon was perfect. There was just enough time to quietly think about her and the Mother that she was. I realized how much I would miss talking to her. I often looked forward to telling her about how the kids were doing, what Caleb was up to, or maybe something that was going on at work. I will miss that.
Mom would be buried at Ater cemetery. Five generations are buried there, including my son,my dad, his parents, my mom's parents, a great grandmother and many more. As we drove out from town we could see thunderstorms building up, just as we arrived a light rain started to fall. It wasn't long before the rain fell even harder. This always seems the norm for funerals in my family. It never stormed and by the time the graveside service had ended the rain was lessening. The tears were done. The day was ending. The sun began to peek out.
My Mom was a beautiful women, The one thing we heard from everyone was how sweet she was. Her smile would light up their day. I will have those memories until my time ends, I will then have her near me again.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Saturday, July 7, 2012
So long ....
No more pain, no more illness was what I immediatly thought with my Mother's passing yesterday. Her face became so peaceful, so relaxed, she just looked to be sleeping so innocently.
Mom has been in poor health since I was a child, I have posted about this before. She has cheated death on several occasions. She was a fighter, and she always had a reason to fight to survive. This time however she did not. She was tired, she knew it was her time. We talked about it in her final days. If you had told me twenty years ago that my Mother would live to be 82 I never would have believed you, I never thought she'd live to see seventy. If you'd have told me a week ago that I'd be planning her funeral in a week, I wouldn't have believed you.
She was taken from her room at the Meadows to the ER at the adjoining hospital a week ago today. She was confused and her speech was slurring. I imediately thought maybe a stroke, but stress will do this to her at times. They instead discovered she was dehydrated and her kidneys were failing. All her meds were building up in her system. She was admittied to the hopspital and IV treatments were started and her fluid levels monitored. She started to improve. By Wednesday she had improved enough that there was hope she'd return to her room at the Meadows in a week. But by Wednesday evening I was beginning to have my doubts, I felt that she would not go home this time.
Wednesday evening was hard, her speech had worsened and she was feeling ill and was extremely uncomfortable in bed. She kept getting herself flustered which put a lot of strain on her heart. It took hours to get her to calm down enough to sleep. Once she did I headed home making sure the hospital staff notified me at any change.
No overnight or early morning calls so I headed on to work. No calls all day. Was she holding her own? After work I picked up Fantu and we headed on up to the hospital. As soon as I walked into her room my heart sank. She looked bad, I could tell she was suddenly near the end. I sat with her, she was awake but did nothing more that mumbled a few noises. She was no longer able to swallow and her breathing was fast and shallow. Nurses were in and out constantly. I called my sister out of state and told her that Mom only had a few days left at most.
Fantu hadn't eaten and at the time I felt Mom still had some time left. So we went to eat and headed home. Just a short time later the hospital called and she had taken a downturn. Fantu and I went back straight away, Abate and Elmer soon joined us. I made a few calls so family could try to get to town. The four of us stayed through the night. My mom soon slept, she never woke up. Her breathing changed through the night but still she fought on. I watched her closely, she never opened her eyes, she had little respone left to any stimulus. By morning family began to arrive, I headed home to sleep. She seemed stable and I felt she'd make it throught the day.
I only briefly slept and soon decided to head back. Andre and Carrie were on their was and would be at the hospital shortly. As I was getting out of the car my phone rang, I was unable to catch it, I recognized the number, I hurried in. Mom had just passed, her sister- my amazing Aunt June was with her. She said she just slowly drew those final breaths and she was gone. So quick these final days, so long her pain and illness.
So long Mom - Valeta Lucille McCorkle Barron 1929 - 2012.
Mom has been in poor health since I was a child, I have posted about this before. She has cheated death on several occasions. She was a fighter, and she always had a reason to fight to survive. This time however she did not. She was tired, she knew it was her time. We talked about it in her final days. If you had told me twenty years ago that my Mother would live to be 82 I never would have believed you, I never thought she'd live to see seventy. If you'd have told me a week ago that I'd be planning her funeral in a week, I wouldn't have believed you.
She was taken from her room at the Meadows to the ER at the adjoining hospital a week ago today. She was confused and her speech was slurring. I imediately thought maybe a stroke, but stress will do this to her at times. They instead discovered she was dehydrated and her kidneys were failing. All her meds were building up in her system. She was admittied to the hopspital and IV treatments were started and her fluid levels monitored. She started to improve. By Wednesday she had improved enough that there was hope she'd return to her room at the Meadows in a week. But by Wednesday evening I was beginning to have my doubts, I felt that she would not go home this time.
Wednesday evening was hard, her speech had worsened and she was feeling ill and was extremely uncomfortable in bed. She kept getting herself flustered which put a lot of strain on her heart. It took hours to get her to calm down enough to sleep. Once she did I headed home making sure the hospital staff notified me at any change.
No overnight or early morning calls so I headed on to work. No calls all day. Was she holding her own? After work I picked up Fantu and we headed on up to the hospital. As soon as I walked into her room my heart sank. She looked bad, I could tell she was suddenly near the end. I sat with her, she was awake but did nothing more that mumbled a few noises. She was no longer able to swallow and her breathing was fast and shallow. Nurses were in and out constantly. I called my sister out of state and told her that Mom only had a few days left at most.
Fantu hadn't eaten and at the time I felt Mom still had some time left. So we went to eat and headed home. Just a short time later the hospital called and she had taken a downturn. Fantu and I went back straight away, Abate and Elmer soon joined us. I made a few calls so family could try to get to town. The four of us stayed through the night. My mom soon slept, she never woke up. Her breathing changed through the night but still she fought on. I watched her closely, she never opened her eyes, she had little respone left to any stimulus. By morning family began to arrive, I headed home to sleep. She seemed stable and I felt she'd make it throught the day.
I only briefly slept and soon decided to head back. Andre and Carrie were on their was and would be at the hospital shortly. As I was getting out of the car my phone rang, I was unable to catch it, I recognized the number, I hurried in. Mom had just passed, her sister- my amazing Aunt June was with her. She said she just slowly drew those final breaths and she was gone. So quick these final days, so long her pain and illness.
So long Mom - Valeta Lucille McCorkle Barron 1929 - 2012.
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