Negatives created Positives

 No it has not been a year since my last post. I'm just a bit frustrated with my job. It's not all bad, well work is but the solution is exciting.

Since my last post we have had major changes and disruptions here at work. The Convention Center had always been under the leadership of the Parks and Recreation Department. They have experience managing numerous facilities around town. They pretty much left us alone to operate under the guidance of our operations manager. They were there for the bigger fiscal decisions and any operational changes. I got on really well with the management team there and enjoyed working with them when I needed to. Well someone at City Hall decided that maybe putting us with the Destination Marketing Team that is a part of the Communications and Marketing Division would be a great idea. Who cares if they have zero experience managing a facility, especially one that operates 24/7 if needed. They were then put in charge of hiring a new operations manager. Well they retitled that position and made it sound more like a sales and event management position....it's not. The lady that took it was soon in over her head doing a job she was not prepared to do. They are spending money to put lipstick on the pig (convention center) and not on the needed repairs, replacements and upgrades that are desperately needed. They then start looking at job descriptions for everyone else, me included.  They decided that not should I only do everything I do as an admin 2, they started adding additional duties and then also added local event sales to the mix. I hate sales. I told them that I felt it was going to be a bit too much especially with the new event software changeover coming up. I really felt that it was not right to do this when I have six months until I retire. But they pushed. They changed my job title to Guest Experience Admin ( what a bullshit title)  and  wrote me up for not performing my new job ( which was done before they officially changed my job title and duties). I was livid. Furious. Discouraged. I could barely not just walk off and tell them to shove it. My new manager not only did not have my back, she was part of the instigation of the whole thing. 

I started crunching numbers again trying to figure out if I could move up my retirement date. I really couldn't make a decision until I spoke with the Social Security Office. I had been playing phone tag for a few months and was a month away from a set appointment. So I just had to sit tight. Less than a week later my Rep from the Social Security office finally connected with me. The news was all good. Like better than I expected good. The numbers came together and I am able to move up my retirement date by four months. I would've moved it up sooner but I didn't want to abandon the team I have worked with all these years as I know a lot of what I do will fall on them. So I will be out of here in just over six weeks. I am so frustrated though because I had enjoyed working here. The team was like family, it was so good for fourteen years. But now I cannot wait to walk out that door and not look back. I am angry. I am bitter. I am worried about the staff remaining behind. I have to do this for me. I am stressed. I cannot change the circumstances causing the stress, so all I can do is walk away. 

I am so looking forward to retirement. Just a week after my last day I am off to Colorado with Fantu. I've a week camping and Hiking in Guadalupe Mountain National Park booked for later in the Autumn. Next Spring I am off to Peru for three weeks or so, and then I leave for Nepal for three months later next year. I do plan on adding other camping and hiking trips into the mix in between those listed. I am so thrilled to be getting a head start on it all. I just wish the circumstances had not been negative. 

It's been a year already?

 I can't believe it has been over a year since I posted on here. Where has the year gone? I am now just over ten months from retirement. It is still a struggle to come into work. It has been harder recently as I had a wonderful solo hiking and camping trip to Big Bend National Park. It just re-enforced how much I love hiking and just want to be outdoors. I was not looking forward to returning to work as once again we were without an Operations Manager. So we are leaderless here now (which isn't a bad thing) but the senior bosses are clueless as to what goes on here and what was in the works. We are in the process of getting new event management software, but no one knows much about it. They are looking to me to take the lead on it. I'm really not interested though as I had begged the former boss to hold off on it until after my retirement. The catering department is barely functioning, and the building needs so much work and equipment upgrades. It's a mess. Once they hire a new manager it will fall on me to train them. This will be the third manager I have had to train. I had really hoped to coast to retirement this year. That won't be an option now.

Life once again has been pretty uneventful. Let's see, we had the total solar eclipse last April. We had a perfect view from my backyard. Fantu and I went to Cloudcroft New Mexico for five days and did a lot of hiking - that was also in April. In September we went camping in Colorado for several days. Then stayed in Manitou Springs for two nights and hiked up the Manitou Incline and back down the Barr trail. I can tell you that we were so proud of ourselves for making it to the top of the incline. 2768 steps up a .9 mile steep incline and the down a 3.1 mile trail. We are going back this Autumn to take it on multiple times. It is the best training I can do to prepare for the Inca trail next year. 

As I mentioned up above I went on my own to Big Bend. I tent-camped at the Chisos Basin campground and hiked a total of 24 miles with altitude gains of 4660 feet. My longest hike was 8.5 miles with an altitude gain of over 2000 feet. I really enjoyed the solitude on the trails. I hiked early each day starting before sunrise so I was well ahead of the crowds on the trails. It was so healing to be out in nature and in such a beautiful place.

All four kids and the grandson are pretty much the same this year as last. Same jobs. No new partners. No marriages or babies in the planning stages. They are all just working on careers and surviving. 

I am looking forward to the next twelve months. I have already committed to a teaching position in Nepal. I'll spend eight weeks in the Himalayan village of Salleri teaching English at the Buddhist Monastery and local public school. I will stay in Nepal another month after that to do some trekking in the mountains before I head home. I am currently learning the language (Nepali) and will start my TEFL training this Autumn. I still haven't committed to Peru yet and may wait until after September to do so. I will start conversations though later this Spring. I plan on volunteering in one of the Animal rescue programs in Cusco for a few weeks and then hopefully do a 5-day Inca trail trek to Macchu Pichu.

So I guess I'll post a few pictures of my adventures this past year. 

Birthday Hike with Abate and Fantu at Lost Maples

Fantu and I at the Top of the Incline

Petroglyph at 3 Rivers in New Mexico

Mother Neff State Park

Aspens in Colorado - The Crags Trail

View from the Crags trail

Top Step of the Incline

View from campsite at Mueller State Park  Colorado

Fantu at the base of the incline - started before sunrise.

Campsite at Mueller State Park

Fantu (above) Me ( below) top of the Incline

Enchanted Rock Birthday hike 2nd annual hike!

Blue Heron at Aransas Pass Wildlife Refuge

Padre Island - tropical Storm out in the gulf made for some big waves.

The rest of the Pictures are all from Big Bend in Early February 2025.

Life updates....

It's been a busy time. In my last post I was talking about new goals I have set for myself. I have to say I am right on track. I work out most every day. I have a yoga routine and then I get on the stair-stepper. I get out and go hiking whenever the weather cooperates on the weekends. I have come a long way in the past nine months. 

I usually go hiking at Mother Neff State Park and do a 2.25 mile hike. I do however when I have a long weekend go further afield and do 4-6 mile hikes. Colorado Bend State Park has some good trails. I went back in November and I am going again this weekend. Fantu is joining me on this hike, it should be fun. Back in December to celebrate my my 65th Birthday I went to Enchanted Rock and summited "the rock" and then did the 3.5 mile base loop trail. I then treated myself to two nights in Kerrville and a second day of hiking at Lost Maples Natural Area and then in Kerrville along the river, for a total of 8 miles.  I was so proud of these accomplishments as I had struggled on a few hikes when I was in Alaska last August. I have upcoming trips planned for Cloudcroft  N.M. this Spring, and Colorado in the Autumn. In 2025 I hope to take on some long hikes in Big Bend National Park and then hopefully to travel to Peru to take on the Inca Trail in the Autumn. I will decide on that after I go to Colorado as I plan on attempting the Manitou Incline and possibly Mt. Democrat a 14'er that is one of the easier ones to do. If I can do those successfully I feel fairly confident that I can succeed on the Inca trail. Success on the Inca trail will increase my chances of successfully hiking to Everest Base Camp. 

Mentally I am doing great In the past year I have read a number of Thich Nhat Hanh's writings on Buddhist philosophy. I meditate regularly, but my meditation sessions are usually fairly short. I am living more mindfully and doing better at living in the moment and not dwelling on the past of worrying about the future. I recently found my own closure to the past trauma's caused by Alan. It took time as I had always expected to get the closure I needed from him, but with his death I had to search for it within myself. It was such a breakthrough moment that felt as though I was freed.  I am still single and loving it. I love the independence and solitude. It suits my introverted personality. I now have less than 23 months until I retire and the weeks are flying by. I would love to already be there as it gets harder all the time to come into work. I just want to be outdoors and on the trails. Hiking is my addiction. 

All my kids are doing well. They are fully functioning adults, and are living lives that bring a good amount of happiness and joy to them and those around them. Still no marriages or additional grandkids on the horizon. I am good with that. My only grandson will graduate high school this May. I cannot believe that he is that old. He is a good kid and has overcome some difficult things. I am so proud of how wonderful he is. 

So life is good, it in fact better than good. IT IS WONDERFUL!

A few pictures from my hikes this past year. 

                                                           Grizzly Bear in Alaska

Caribou in Denali National Park

My Daughter in Denali

River Hike in Denali

Enchanted Rock (I hiked to the top for my 65th Birthday).

Trail around the base of Enchanted Rock

Lost Maples Trail up to the Ridge

View from top of ridge ( I started down at the bottom of that valley).

Me at top of Enchanted Rock

Colorado Bend State Park

Canyon at Colorado Bend State Park

Wildflowers in bloom at Mother Neff State Park

Time continues and so do I

 It is amazing how when I think things look the most bleak that the unexpected happens and good things happen. I have been fortunate this way in life. 

Just over a year ago when Alan died I was in a bit of a panic as with his death went the loss of alimony payments for the next few years. I was sitting okay financially for the remainder of 2022 as he had won a nice bit in the Irish lottery and had pre-paid the alimony for the remainder of the year. I just had to figure out 2023 and going forward. I talked with Abate and let him know that he would have to take on more of his expenses for car insurance and cell phone, Fantu was already and had been paying hers for quite some time. I had a hard look at my budget and cancelled a few subscriptions to get my monthly expenses down. I did feel it would be manageable but I would not be living frivolously in the future (not that I was anyway). Well my guardian angel was looking out for me and when pay raises came around at work I not only got a surprisingly great raise - I received a long fought for promotion that I had given up on. The raise more than made up for the loss of alimony. 

So with my finances back on track I began to plan a dreamed of trip to Alaska with a friend of mine. It is something we had talked about for several years but it got delayed due to Co-vid. Plans and reservations were made, we began to purchase items we would need for the trip when suddenly out of the blue my friend cancelled. Well crap. I knew I wanted to go so I decided to go on my own and pay the single supplement. When I mentioned to my daughter Fantu what had happened she immediately said she wanted to go with me. She felt she could afford it and wanted to do a dream trip like this while she was still single. Fantu is a nature documentary nut so for her this trip is something she dreamed of. I am so excited that she is going with me as I know I will have so much more fun with her. 

So with my life changing and finding I love the single unattached lifestyle (I am so done with men right now) I got to thinking that I really should pursue my dreams and do the things I love. I joined a social media group of single women over the age of 50 that love to travel solo. Not only was I inspired by these women, I found inspiration for what I want to do when I retire. So this is what I came up with based on my love of the following:

1.Hiking

2.Mountains

3. Forests

4. Camping

5. Volunteering

6. Adventures off the beaten path

With those in mind I stumbled across a volunteer group that offered Nepal as one of it's locations .. yes Nepal,as in the Himalayas. While there I could go on the 14 day Everest Base Camp (EBC)Trek. an 80 mile round trip trek from a 9000 foot elevation to 18,000 foot elevation to the base of Mount Everest. What a dream! But oh I am so not in shape for a hike like that, but I have three years to train. It will be difficult as I am 64 years young now and by the time I go I will be 67 - pushing 68. Age is but a number and I certainly don't feel 64 ( I feel as good as I did in my early 50's which was amazing at the time). So provided I can stay healthy and keep on my training schedule my goal is to go to Nepal in the Autumn of 2026. I will do some volunteer work for 4 to 6 weeks. I hope to do a bit of sightseeing and travel and then in early November head off on the EBC trek. I have started  yoga and Wim Hoff breathing exercises and working out on a stair stepper. Weather permitting I go hiking on the weekends. Unfortunately with it being summer in Texas it is often dangerously hot to get out and hike. Once cooler temperatures arrive though I'll be back on the trails and will take time off next year to go hiking in the mountains of Big Bend and New Mexico. I need to work up to hiking 6 to 8 miles a day for 3 to 4 days in a row. 

I love having a big goal like this. It pushes me to get up early every morning and exercise. To be active and not sit watching TV all day. I don't want to grow old gracefully sitting around my house, puttering in my garden (even though I do love gardening). I want to go out on a wild ride and inspire others to do the same. I want my grandkids to remember me as one helluva old lady that lived her adventures and dreams!

A Series of Unfortunate Events

 Life has a way of throwing a curve ball at you when you least expect it. Well it has thrown a doozie  of a curve this time. Back in early April the ex-hub - Alan totaled his personal pickup. He was on his way to work when he blacked out and drove off the road flipping the truck on its side. He only suffered minor injuries but it left me concerned as he did not know why he blacked out and he didn't follow up with a doctor to see if there was a cause, It is concerning as he is always on the road traveling for work in a 18-wheeler. 

Jump ahead a month and sure enough it happened again. This time in his work truck and on the inner-state in Louisiana. The local police called me as I was still listed as his emergency contact. This time he remained unconscious a bit longer and even when he came to he was dazed and confused.  He didn't become aware of his surroundings for an hour or more and it was only after reaching the hospital 30 miles away while having x-rays taken that he became aware of his surroundings.  He somehow managed to cross 2 lanes of traffic and drive into the median before the truck rolled. How he did not hit anyone while doing so is a miracle. He broke his arm at the elbow and the shoulder socket and had numerous bruises. The doctors first instinct was a heart attack. They kept him for several days and ran numerous test but they were inconclusive as to the cause of him blacking out. When he was released from the hospital 3 days later he  made his way to a hotel room to rest a few days before taking the bus back to his workplace in Dallas. He was set to leave on Thursday, but since he was hurting so much and felt so bad he postponed the trip to Sunday. I spoke briefly with him on Wednesday and the kids and some of his family spoke with him on Thursday and Friday. 

Sunday morning 11:00 am I get a call from the same police department that had called me the week prior after his accident. Again asking if I was related to Alan Hennessy and that I was listed as his emergency contact. I explained that I was his ex-wife. They then informed me that he was found by housekeeping at the hotel he was staying at and had apparently died in his sleep 30 - 36 hours prior. The coroner was there and they would be in touch with me once they had returned to their office. I was luckily at a friends house when this call came as I was quite stunned by the news. I was able to talk it out for a few minutes before I drove home. I knew I needed to be in my own place before I began making those all to difficult phone calls. 

I know the pain of receiving a phone call telling you that your son has died. Your life seems to stop, not just for a moment but almost for a lifetime. It changes you, it changes your life. It is not something you can imagine until it happens to you. I now had to make that call to his mother. 

I had to call Abate, luckily I caught him just as he got into his car to drive back to Abilene from Lubbock. He had been staying at a close friend's house. I told him the news, he was crushed. I had him go back into his friend's place to stay until he could process the news before trying to drive. 

It took a bit longer to reach Fantu. I had to text her and ask her to call as soon as she could. She was at church in Waco with friends and called as soon as the service was over. I will never forget the sound of her grief and tears. Her friends brought her home to Gatesville. 

Later that day I spoke with the coroner. They knew the death was natural causes but they were debating sending him away for an autopsy. We would know more the following day. As it turned out on Monday after the head coroner and two physicians examined Alan they concluded that an autopsy would not be required. All signs pointed to cardiac arrest with contributing factors of obesity, high blood pressure, years of smoking, alcohol and taking Narcon (acetaminophen with codeine)  while consuming alcohol. His body was being released to the funeral home there in Louisiana and I had already spoken with them with instructions to go ahead and cremate his body and we would drive over and collect his ashes. He did not wish to be embalmed and time was of the essence if that was not to be done. 

So while all of this was going on we were trying to find out from his place of employment if he had and an estimated amount of life insurance if he had. We of course were looking at funeral expenses and then the cost of airfare for Abate and Fantu to escort his ashes to Ireland. We felt it was better to hold the memorial service there as he wished his ashes to be scattered on the streets of his hometown of Tullamore. After several phone calls back and forth they called Fantu and informed her that there was no insurance, no benefits as he had been fired from his job on Wednesday, the day he was released from the hospital, All benefits expired the following day. This was quite unexpected. It was a problem. The kids and I just do not have extra money laying around. Just the airfare was going to be $3000. The cremation was another $3000+. I could not take on that amount of debt. Alan is my EX, I'm sorry but I just cannot be responsible for that. After speaking with Fantu we decided we would have to ask Alan's sister to pay for the cremation. She can easily afford it. I will skip details here as I get extremely angry at how the events of the next few hours unfolded. She agreed to pay but only if they could have the funeral home ship Alan's ashes directly to them, therefore cutting Abate and Fantu out of the picture. I had tried to tell her I could fly Fantu over with the ashes (she really wanted to bring her dad home to Ireland) but they insisted that they be shipped directly. We had no choice but to agree. Fantu and Abate decided that they would not attend a memorial service there as they were made to feel unwelcome and also the because of the expense. I called the funeral home and gave the okay for them do to as his sister demanded. I did ask though that they keep a small portion of his ashes aside to be placed in small memorial urns for his two children. We will hold our own small memorial when the time is right for us. 

We have had no further communication from his family in the two weeks that have followed. I have however learned through the grapevine that his service is planned for this upcoming Monday, over three weeks since he passed. They are having his ashes blessed by a priest and buried in a grave with his Grandmother, not scattered in Tullamore per his wish. His ashes were on a plane to Ireland over a week ago.  As of last evening they are sitting somewhere in Irish customs. If they do not clear customs today, they will not be there on Monday for his service. Karma? Maybe, but I awoke suddenly last night and had a sudden thought pop into my head. It was as though Alan tapped me on the shoulder and said. " What they did to the kids is wrong and the funeral is not what I wished, I think I will sit this one out." 

So Abate, Fantu and I will be fine. We are strong and have overcome much in our lives. Alan's estate is in shambles but we are slowly mucking our way through and hope at the end of the day there may be a little something to provide a safety net for them both. As for me, I'll try to live in the moment and find joy whenever I can. I was not able to shed any tears for Alan myself as I cried a river of them when we split up. The pain then was as bad as it could get. There is nothing left in me but a sadness that he lived his life on a path of self-destruction and he knew it would take his life at an early age. He could not and would not change no matter how much we tried to convince him. I told myself  (and Alan) the other day - Alan, I told you this would happen, see... so get back here and make the changes you need to so you can live many more years. But then I had to realize he doesn't get a second chance and neither do we.  

19 months later...

 Wow, what a change the past 19 months have made to my life.  I didn't let on in my last post that my marriage to Alan had been and was back on rocky ground. Well it crashed and burned last summer and we have now been divorced for the past 9 months. It was difficult and scary being 60 years old and hoping to retire soon to make that decision knowing the impact it would have on my decision to retire and how I would survive after retirement. I also had to come to terms with the fact that the man I had married and that I thought I would always be with was no longer the same person. I had to let go knowing that the man I had loved was gone forever and this person he had become was toxic for myself and our family. Once the decision was made I started to find happiness, joy in life, and a purpose that was driven by my desires. We (as in the kids and myself) are all doing great. We have been fortunate that CoVid 19 did not impact us financially as of yet and do not think that it will. Abate is working for HEB in Abilene while attending Grad School. He is working on his MBA in Sports Management. Fantu is interning for a realtor while studying to get her license. It has worked well for her as 99% of what she does is from home via phone and computer. I still work at the Convention Center and while the bookings are down by close to 75% we are still open and operating and I have been assured that I will be here until the lights go out. 

Fantu and I have become quite close over the past year as she continues to live at home with me. We spend hours talking and laughing and just really having a good time. I just burst with happiness when she talks about how jealous some of her friends are at the relationship that we have. It is great having a daughter that is also a best friend.

So big changes in my life and it has all been for the best. I won't say it has all been roses but most days it has definitely been a garden!  

It's been how long?

Wow, close to four years since I posted on this blog. Our beautiful Ethiopian kids are now beautiful adults. Abate is in College, his senior year. He will still have to attend classes this summer and do his student teaching next autumn. He will then start on his masters degree with the goal to coach soccer at the college or pro level. He has been very successful in college and studied abroad in Salzburg Austria last year for the spring semester. He loved it and it really helped to shape him into becoming a more responsible confident man. He is quite handsome and has too many girlfriends to count. He is still a long way from being ready to settle down as he is having way too much fun being the bachelor.
Fantu has had her struggles and took a break from her college courses last spring. She is now looking to change her major before returning to school. She continues to work at HEB where she has worked for nearly four years now. She is a very strong independent young lady and still has men chasing after her constantly. I think if she met the right guy she would settle down in a heartbeat. Several of her friends are married and having babies of which she spoils rotten. She still has her great laugh and is always a joy to have around. Her and I have spent a lot of time supporting each other emotionally over the past year. I don't know what I would do without her.
The past year has seen its share of hardships and struggles for all of us. I won't go into details but let me say I'm glad we are still standing and working on a path forward. We still have some tough times ahead, but I feel we will someday be able to look back on this and know we are stronger because we persevered through these hard times.

I am still working at the Convention Center, doing the same job. We got a new manager last autumn and it has been a difficult adjustment getting used to the changes. I hope that once the kids get through school (or possibly sooner) that I can retire. I had hoped to do so this year, but I know that it is not yet the time to do so.

For those that remember me talking about Elmer ( Abate's best friend) He graduates from HSU in May with a English Education degree with a minor in coaching. He already has a teaching /coaching job offer that he is going to accept.

My grandson Caleb is now a teenager. He is growing by light speed and passed me up last year and passed his Mom. He is a bean pole. He is a typical teenage boy.

We have new dogs. Bonnie passed away 3 years ago and my beautiful Schindler 19 months ago. We still have Sadie and have added two tiny mutts to our pack. Enys arrived a few weeks before Schindler died. She is a Min Pin cross. Great personality, odd looks, but she is a brilliant little dog. 9 months ago we added Uisce (ish-ka) a tiny little chi-weenie. She just oozes cuteness. Her and Enya are best friends and have so much fun together. They were both rescues.

Well that's my life in a nutshell. Maybe I won't wait so ling until the next update.