3 + Fanteen

A 3-day weekend, a memorable weekend with Fantu. I kept her close to home, we spent time together. We went shopping together - usually a sure-fire disaster, add to that  the fact we would be shopping for her a swimsuit and it could escalate into a national disaster. If you have never taken a teen shopping for a swimsuit, you just can't realize how precarious it is emotionally for both mother and daughter to do this successfully.  I took her to Macy's in Temple, a big sale, some big coupons and a new Macy's Gold credit card and I was set.
A quick stop at Home depot and Target but they didn't have what I was looking for. Macy's.... the red star marks the place. I go in knowing I need to get some summer clothes for work. Sounds simple enough but when it's a 100f outside and a freezer in my office it gets really tricky to find suitable outfits. Fantu and I ooh and aaah at the dresses but they are mostly out of our budget. I wander on into the tops and bottoms looking out for those magnetic 50% off signs.. Fantu slowly drifts on to the swimsuit dept. It didn't take long before she came running back super excited about a suit she found. She drags me over. OMG, it is so cute. She takes it and a few other back to try on. The first choice was her first one on, OMG it was the perfect fit, perfectly cute and by far the best swimsuit she has ever put on. She went ahead and tried on the others but they were disappointments after that first one.  OMG this was just too easy. She went on to find a really cute sundress and a adorable pair of sandals. I did manage to find a cute pair of cropped white dress pants and a work appropriate top that I won't die in when it's 100 out or freezing in the office. Everything was on sale plus with the coupons I had I saved $$$ more. Walmart couldn't have beaten those prices, and they sure can't compare in quality.
Our next stop was Academy Sporting Goods, I had promised Fantu a new bike, we both needed some workout apparel for summer. We were a little too successful  as she got two outfits, I got one, and she got a really great bicycle but at a bit more than was budgeted. She came away happy having had a successful day shopping and having fun with her sometimes too square Mom. 
Monday morning Fantu and I took our bikes to the park and rode the loopound and round to rack up several miles. We both have a ways to go to get in shape before we go to New Mexico, but with cute new workout wear and new bicycles maybe it will give us the incentive we both need.

The weekend is winding down and Fantu and I are both smiles. 3 days with the Fanteen have been good.

Fanteen

I need a new term to describe Fantu+teenager+moods+ Ethiopian language gap.

As you can guess it has been a difficult time with Fantu lately. Teen moodiness rebelliousness, and her expecting to have the same independence that Abate has. It has been a struggle lately to communicate without getting snippy to each other. She has been rude, disrespectful, and stubborn.
Just last evening she went after school with her friend to watch H.S. Volleyball. The hours tick by and soon I see it is nearly 9:00. I text her and tell her I am on my way to pick her up. She replies, "10 more minutes please". I reply back I am on my way now be outside waiting. the next reply I get from her is "NO". My reply was, "Did you just tell me no? get your butt outside now or you are grounded." She is out and into the care within minutes.  I immediately start to lecture her about her attitude and I expect it to change immediately. I tell her I am noticing a change in her and that her best friends disrespectful attitude is starting to rub off on her. I tell her how she can't let her friends bad habits attitudes become her own, she should try to get them to be more like her. Her friend gets in trouble alot. She is disrespectful of her teachers and elders. She has spent the last four weeks in in-school suspension. As you can see I really don't care for this girl. I really wish Fantu would move on and find another friend.  Oh but this makes me feel guilt,  Her friend is the only other black girl in her grade at school. This has drawn them together. I just really wish that Fantu could influence her behaviors more than she influences Fantu.
Fantu begins to question me about why would I think she was being disrespectful.... okay easy enough to start with say ten minutes earlier... her big NO.   Mom I was only joking.
Joking? Fantu it was a text. It said no. there was no smile, no giggle, no twinkle in her eye. it was black NO on a gray screen. Fantu didn't get it. She got defensive. I got depressed.
I know I will figure this out. It may take time, or we may just struggle through this phase and then hope that the next one is easier. She does go to High School in the Autumn. New classes, new classmates, maybe some new friends.

3

Family day, Gotcha Day, Famiversary, and I’m sure there are as many more names as there are adoptive families for this all important day to celebrate. I prefer Family day. This is the day we physically became a family. 3 years ago on this very morning we arrived at the Kidane Mehret Childrens home in Addis Ababa Ethiopia and met our newly adopted children – Abate and Fantu. It was a small room where we had to wait while Fantu and Abate having just returned from a medical appointment at the Embassy went to change clothes and look their best to meet us. We were four very nervous people about to embark upon an unknown journey that would lead two kids halfway around the world with two strangers. They would be going to live in a place that was only really known to them through American movies and shows. We would now have two pre-teen kids with a radically different culture, language and tragic history living with us, adapting to a life in a new family, in a new land, new schools and new friends. They were leaving everything they had known and loved, everything that was familiar and comforting. They were not even given a choice. That is something that sounds terrifying to an adult, much a less a child. I try to imagine it. I’ve moved across continents before, left all that was familiar, I was alone. It was supposed to be for 3-6 months but I met Alan, I found love, I stayed, but it was a choice I made. Alan also made the choice to leave his home he came with me from Ireland to Texas.


So, what have Abate and Fantu found here in Texas. They have two parents that love them immensely. They have the security of a family, a home, and food to eat. They have many friends and are both very popular at school. They have the opportunity to play sports, for Fantu to sing, the freedom to pursue their interests. They have a family, even though it can be a bit of a strange one at times. They have discovered the American culture and have totally immersed themselves in it (but they still love all things Ethiopian). While they are slowly losing their native Amharic they still have their lovely Ethiopian accents.

Alan and I knew that adopting would change our lives drastically. We weren’t sure how, as it was full of unknowns. All we really knew was we were going to be the parents of Abate a boy somewhere between 10-12 years of age (he was 12) and Fantu a girl between the age of 9 and 11 (she was 10). We had very little background history only knowing that they had lost both parents at a very young age. They were from the Gambella region in southwestern Ethiopia but were of Amharic decent. We didn’t know we would be getting two super talented kids that were both very bright, happy, funny and outgoing. We also got two kids that grew up way too quickly. My two little kids that weren’t even shoulder high to me 3 years ago have caught up to me and are now surpassing me in height. They became teenagers it seems overnight. They also brought the usual teen angst, moods and other troubles that any parent of teens will know all too well. There is one thing I know now that I was never sure about before is that we have found their love. They tell me, they show me. I feel it.

We have traveled a journey that made us a family, bound by love, life and time.

Role Reversal

Mother's Day today here in the USA. No big celebrations here, I was ready to tackle the final bit of my ongoing landscape project in the front garden. I nearly completed it but I couldn't get the last few things I needed to finish the final section. But I did get the two larger ones done. I also don't do restaurants on Mothers day. I'm not one for crowds, noisy restaurants and on Mother's Day all the screaming kids. I cooked meatloaf, au gratin potatoes, and turnips. I ate too much, so I am feeling a bit miserable this evening. I did get two lovely presents, Fantu picked out a very sweet necklace, a sparkly monogram “M”. I had to think for a minute as none of my initials are M, but Mom sure is. How super sweet. I also received a nice summer handbag, It will remind me of my family all summer long. I received a beautiful bouquet of fresh flowers from Elmer (Abate's best friend) He's practically like a son and I do tend to mother him a bit. What a sweet surprise that was.

Yesterday I stopped at the store to buy a Mothers day card for my Mom. As I read through the cards I struggled to find one that reflected how our relationship is now. Since my Dad has passed our roles have changed. I have become the caretaker. When she falls I get called, emergency at night, I am called. I make all her medical decisions. I visit her and I sort her clothes into matching outfits. Today I had to tie her shoes as she was unable to do it. So as I looked at the cards I thought back to my childhood, to the mother she was then. The time we did spend together. The things she taught me. I found a card that reminds me and hopefully her those times. Even thought our roles are now reversed, she will always be the woman I called Mommy.

The 3rd Year in Review

We are quickly approaching our 3rd anniversary with Abate and Fantu. As part of our agreement with the Ethiopian Government we have to send yearly updates until the kids are 18. I thought I'd share the one I am sending this year. It's kind of a year in review... May 2011- April 2012 Yearly Report Alan and Carol Hennessy Abate Alan Mekonen Hennessy 15 years old (Abate Mekonen) Fantu Asnaku Hennessy 13 years old (Fantu Mekonen) Adoption final - April 16th, 2009 Gatesville, Texas The past year is one that saw Abate and Fantu grow and mature into two lovely teenagers. They both continued to be active in sports and school activities. They are both very respected and admired within our community. Abate now in the 9th grade at Gatesville High School, continued to be an A & B student. He excels in his computer courses and in History. Science continues to be his least favorite subject. On the athletics field he continues to astound with his talent. In Cross Country he ran on the varsity team as a ninth grader, this is a team composed primarily of 11th & 12th graders. The team won their district and competed in Regional’s in November, for this he earned his Varsity letter jacket his freshman year. He also during this time played (American) Football. He was the field goal kicker for the freshman team. In December he joined the varsity soccer team and plays forward. He is a starter and is one of the top goal scorers. He has also earned his Varsity Letter (Patch) for Soccer. He was also named to the 2nd Team All-District. This spring he qualified for the varsity track team and is running the 1600m and 3200m. Again he has earned a letter (Patch) for making the Varsity Team! It takes a talented athlete to earn a letter jacket their freshman year – Abate lettered in three sports, a feat almost unheard of. Fantu still struggles a bit in her classes. She makes A’s B’s and some C’s. Science and Math are her two most difficult classes. She does well in English and History. She is in the 8th grade this year at Gatesville Junior High. To help her to improve her grades she is also taking an extra Reading class. It is a small class where she gets more attention and help. Her reading skills have really improved this year. Just recently we also had her placed in an extra Math class as she was really struggling in her Algebra class. She is starting to improve. Fantu also participated in Cross Country running and likes sports. She was also a cheerleader at her school. She did develop problems with her knee that kept her out of some of the sports she loves. Her knee pain became so bad that she had to have an MRI in which they found she had a Discoid Lateral Miniscus (a condition she was born with) that had become damaged over time and required immediate surgery. This led to quite a few absences from school that also caused her grades to suffer. She was on crutches for eight weeks and is still seeing a physical therapist to help her regain full use of her knee and leg. She also has the same condition in her other knee, although it isn’t as serious yet. She will not require surgery on it as of now. Fantu is a beautiful young lady and has many friends and admirers. She continues to be full of joy and laughter and keeps us entertained with her wonderful sense of humor. Abate and Fantu are both healthy children. Injuries from sports have been the only cause for concern during the past year. They both have healthy appetites and eat a wide variety of foods. They are adventuresome eaters and will readily try new foods. They both help out in the kitchen and are learning to prepare some of their new favorites and also like to cook many of their favorite Ethiopian meals. They also help with the cleaning up after meals. Abate and Fantu both have weekly household chores to do. When they complete these they earn an allowance that gives them a bit of money to spend on extra things. They both also have the opportunity to do additional chores to earn extra money when they are saving for something special. They are both excellent savers and have a bit of money saved away. They have both done very well at learning wise spending habits. They consider purchases carefully, compare prices and features of what they are wanting to buy. They would rarely buy anything on impulse. Abate has just received his learners driving permit and is learning to drive. He is doing very well and shows caution and respect while driving. He will take a driving test to get his driving license in September when he turns 16. Abate grew the most growing 4 inches in about 6 months. He was outgrowing shoes every six weeks and went from a 7.5 to a 9.5 before they finally stopped. He has also gained weight, but is still very fit and trim. He is still below average size for his age, but has closed the gap somewhat. He is now 5 ft. 4 in and weighs around 109 lbs. Fantu didn’t grow as much in height this year, only just about an inch. She is nearly 5 ft. 2 in. She weighs 132 lbs. During the past year we have traveled to New Mexico and Colorado. We visited Carlsbad caverns where we watched the bats come out at dusk and also hiked down into the caves. We visited Roswell New Mexico made famous by the legends of Aliens crash landing there. We went to Ft. Sumner and visited the museum and gravesite of the infamous outlaw Billy the Kid, and traveled up to Sante Fe and toured the oldest Catholic Parish Church in the USA. We also spent several days in the mountains of Colorado. While there we went hiking and whitewater rafting. It was an exciting and fun adventure. During the summer Fantu also had the opportunity to return to the Teen Music camp. She was able to work on her songwriting skills and performing. Fantu also travels the 80 miles to Austin to visit regularly with her older sisters and nephew. Abate spends his summer training for his many sports interests. He participates in many of the camps that are offered and then in the weeks before school starts he will begin his summer training for Cross Country running. Abate and Fantu are doing so well. They are happy, busy, typical teenagers. During the past year they have reconnected with several of their good friends from The Kidane Mehret Childrens Home. The often speak on the phone and are friends on Facebook. It is so great for us all to watch these old friends grow and share their new experiences here together. Abate and Fantu bring much joy and laughter to our home and keep us very busy with all of their interests. They are generous and kind and have many people that know and love them. We are so blessed to have them be a part of our family. class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">

What a Year!