Why aren't there maps for this trip?

I feel sometimes like I live in my car. Running the kids to and from school and practices, the long trip to work and back The days flying by as fast as the scenery. I really wish it would at least on the weekends slow down a bit. Here it is another Sunday evening and I am so tired. Six or seven loads of laundry – I lost track, two are still on the line waiting to be brought in. I tried to condense my shopping this week and just do it all at HEB and try to avoid Walmart. I did avoid Walmart but made two stops at Target in Temple instead.
Sports results – Abate placed 5th at the Gatesville Cross Country meet. Very proud of that as he disliked the course as the terrain was rough, uneven and rocky. His nemesis from Whitney was there. Abate had the lead over him until the last ½ mile when his side started to cramp, Whitney beat him by seconds. What an improvement. In 7th grade he'd beat Abate by several hundred yards, in 8th grade it was down to 10-20feet now this year we are talking inches. They will only ever race against each other in Invitational meets as Whitney is a 2A school and Gatesville is 3A, so District, Regional and State meets will keep them apart. It's just a matter of a few more races though and Abate will beat him. Fantu didn't have a meet this week. Cheerleading on Thursday – Abate and I went after his game. We had a nice time sitting and chatting about his race that morning and his football game earlier that evening (lost 20-10). Abate and I even had to cuddle up together to keep away the chill as a cool north wind was blowing. I love watching her cheer.
Friday began with Fantu and I getting into it as she was angry I didn't have money for her to go to the football game that evening. She gets an allowance and blew it early in the week. She then used some money that was for cheerleading that she had ended up not needing and was supposed to return to me. She had spent some of it and tried to cover up that she had. I easily figured it out, she got mad and was very disrespectful to me. She was then under orders to go straight home after school or she would be grounded for a week.
She did go home after school, did her weekend chores (so did Abate) and waited for me to get home. I'd had a few stops to make on the way home and kept her waiting. When I arrived she knew I wanted to talk. She was a bit impatient. She had already apologized via a text message and was still hoping to go to the game and to her friends house for the night. We talked. First about respect and that she will often during her life find that she will have to be respectful to people even though she may not feel like it. If she can't be respectful to me how will she ever be able to be respectful towards others. Her first reaction was to get mad. To get defensive. To start talking about wishing we'd never adopted her. Why would we want to adopt kids when we couldn't spend lots of time with them. Always working and busy. Ouch, that hurt. I would love to be home all the time, be able to go to all the sporting events, programs, school functions etc, but it just isn't possible. So I explained to her why I work the way I do, and this led the conversation to managing money. Which is what I really needed to talk to her about. Money just slips through her hands as soon as she gets it. She loves to spend. But her allowance has to last her all week. She needs money for snacks at her sporting events – sometimes 3 in week. She also likes to stop a few afternoons on her way home to get a iced tea with her friends. And there is of course CANDY with a capital “C” that she just loves – she'd buy it by the big bag full if I'd let her. Oh what a sweet tooth she has. So we discussed how we all have to live within a budget. Just as Alan and I can only spend what we bring home, she can only spend what she gets. If she shows that she can be responsible and wise with what she gets right now we will look into increasing that amount. Now are you wondering if we have the same problem with Abate? NO. In fact with him he just wants avoid spending his money. He actually makes me keep it in my wallet so it is not handy for him to have to spend. Fantu it's about having money to spend, for Abate it is about having money.
So anyway back to my talk with Fantu, at some point I saw a little light turn on above her head – it suddenly all made sense to her. I think she got it. She was smiling. She then asked if she could go to the game. I said no. I thought the two of us needed a girls night out and that we'd go eat out Italian. That sounded great to her – but then she asked could she go to her friends house after dinner. No, I think a movie at home after dinner might be nice, She had just received Beastly from Netflix so we were set.
We went to Prima Pasta where our waiter was a young man whose family we are close to looked after us for the evening. Fantu talked the entire time, I'm not sure when she actually managed to eat her dinner but she did. She talked about school, boys friends, cheerleading, oh and boys. It was fun. We then came home and we watched her teen girly film. When it was done she said – Thanks Mom, I had a really fun night. So did I Fantu...So did I.

I think I'm going to do this more often with her. Maybe it will help to calm some of the frustrations we fill at me being gone such long days at work. I think too it will help with bonding our relationship and therefore help me to earn her respect. It should at least be fun. I know that all too quickly she will be too busy and too grown up to have these moments that we now have the opportunity to share. I know if I don't I will probably regret it down the road.
Too bad there aren't road maps for parenting, we know the journey we want to take and we know the destination – but it is a vast wilderness to be explored as we travel the many miles and years on this adventure. We map our course as we travel each day, a map that will never be the same for another. For me at least on this journey I have some great traveling companions, I'd be lost without them being along for the drive.

XC (and is has nothing to do with kissing)

XC is short for Cross Country. And since XC is a big thing in this family and I get so tired of writing it out from now on XC is what you will see.

So far the season for Abate has been gaining speed and place. Week one he raced in Temple, he was a bit intimidated by all the varsity runners. A big leap from Jr High to High School Varsity. It was a hot morning on a hilly course. He placed 22nd. Excellent result, I couldn't have been prouder. Week 2 they raced in Waco-Midway. A much easier course and the morning was cool. He came in 11th. He received a medal, he was very pleased as were we. Today they drove all the way up to Cleburne Tx. that's up near Ft. Worth. I waited anxiously by the phone waiting to hear his results. The Text came - 2nd place I had to call him and tell him how proud of him I was (trust me I was about to burst and told everyone that walked into the office the next hour). Wow what an amazing result. Abate said his coach was ecstatic, everyone was asking how old and what grade - 9th? Really? Total amazement - or so it sounded. I am already making plans to go to the Regional XC meet in November as I have no doubt he will easily qualify at the District meet. Next week they run on Wednesday just outside of Gatesville ( school sponsored meet) it is a true XC as they will be running trails and fields at Mother Neff State Park.
Fantu had her first meet this past Wednesday. It was the dreaded Hico meet, the toughest course on always an incredibly hot day. She fell ill during the run and didn't do her best. I'm equally proud of her though because she loves to run and that's why she does it. It's not easy being Abate's younger sister. She also confessed to me that a boy had been picking on her during the day (I call it bullying) she was in tears when I picked her up. This is the second time this year she has had problems. There has also been a girl being very cruel. Hers I think is jealousy driven, not sure why the boy had to keep calling her a loser. She was ready to punch him ( and a few weeks ago the girl) but she knows if she gets caught fighting she will be kicked off the cheerleading squad. She would be devastated. It was killing her not being able to strike out the only way she knows. Four years of living at an orphanage where only the tough survive – she learned to be tough, she doesn't take crap off of anyone. But the only way she knows how to handle it is by beating the crap out of the person that tries to put her down.
I knew I had to do something. I had to at least make the school aware of what was going on so that if it did come to blows they would know that she was being bullied. I also knew that they would keep a closer eye on her at school if they knew. So since email is the easiest and most efficient way to communicate with a group of people – out came the computer and in minutes the coach, counselor and principal had all been notified. First thing the next morning the coach called – he took it very seriously and will be taking further action, he will not tolerate that on his team. The principal emailed me back that afternoon and assured me they would look into it. Not a word from the counselor.... now why doesn't that surprise me... hmmm. So will shall see what comes to pass. I tell you though that if Fantu keeps running – which I am sure she will since she loves it so much, those bullies better watch out. They won't be able to escape the wrath of Fantu then.

Maybe I Shoud just Stare

As you can imagine it is very busy around here. It is difficult to find the time to write a single word. I've tried a few times but twice recently after writing a nice story when I go to publish it disappears into cyber space. I don't have the time to re-do it. So I wait for another day, another event, another post.

Football, Cross Country, Crazy at work, and of course the big birthday celebration for Abate – 15! How exciting. Growing up so quick. Becoming such a nice young man. Then why was I so sad? I fought back tears several times over the weekend. My little boy grew up so quickly. I should've seen it coming. I should've been prepared. This is a real drawback to adopting older kids. Blink and they are big. Blink again and they are driving. Blink again and college? Can I stop blinking? Can time slow down?

We celebrated on Sunday, since his birthday was on Monday. Friends over for the night on Saturday, they were all very quiet and well behaved. A hearty breakfast and off for an hour of Laser Tag, followed by pizza and cake. Presents...A new football, Xbox games and cash, he was a happy camper. The boys played and wore themselves out so it was an early bed for all. As I was putting him to bed he said thanks for the Xbox Mom, now I can stay at home to play. WHAT?? Yeah Mom, the only reason I play at Elmer's and Addy's house so much is they have it. Hmmmm.... so if I'd bought this for you 6 months ago I'd have had you home all summer. Dang it if I'd known that I'd bought one months ago.

So as I turn to leave the room – he asks “Mom don't I get a hug?” I smile – of course. So I plop down on his bed and I gave and received a big hug from my little boy.

A few pictures from the day.

Fantu Cheerleader GAME 1!

Football season is now underway and Fantu got to cheer her first games. So proud of her!