Life has a way of throwing a curve ball at you when you least expect it. Well it has thrown a doozie of a curve this time. Back in early April the ex-hub - Alan totaled his personal pickup. He was on his way to work when he blacked out and drove off the road flipping the truck on its side. He only suffered minor injuries but it left me concerned as he did not know why he blacked out and he didn't follow up with a doctor to see if there was a cause, It is concerning as he is always on the road traveling for work in a 18-wheeler.
Jump ahead a month and sure enough it happened again. This time in his work truck and on the inner-state in Louisiana. The local police called me as I was still listed as his emergency contact. This time he remained unconscious a bit longer and even when he came to he was dazed and confused. He didn't become aware of his surroundings for an hour or more and it was only after reaching the hospital 30 miles away while having x-rays taken that he became aware of his surroundings. He somehow managed to cross 2 lanes of traffic and drive into the median before the truck rolled. How he did not hit anyone while doing so is a miracle. He broke his arm at the elbow and the shoulder socket and had numerous bruises. The doctors first instinct was a heart attack. They kept him for several days and ran numerous test but they were inconclusive as to the cause of him blacking out. When he was released from the hospital 3 days later he made his way to a hotel room to rest a few days before taking the bus back to his workplace in Dallas. He was set to leave on Thursday, but since he was hurting so much and felt so bad he postponed the trip to Sunday. I spoke briefly with him on Wednesday and the kids and some of his family spoke with him on Thursday and Friday.
Sunday morning 11:00 am I get a call from the same police department that had called me the week prior after his accident. Again asking if I was related to Alan Hennessy and that I was listed as his emergency contact. I explained that I was his ex-wife. They then informed me that he was found by housekeeping at the hotel he was staying at and had apparently died in his sleep 30 - 36 hours prior. The coroner was there and they would be in touch with me once they had returned to their office. I was luckily at a friends house when this call came as I was quite stunned by the news. I was able to talk it out for a few minutes before I drove home. I knew I needed to be in my own place before I began making those all to difficult phone calls.
I know the pain of receiving a phone call telling you that your son has died. Your life seems to stop, not just for a moment but almost for a lifetime. It changes you, it changes your life. It is not something you can imagine until it happens to you. I now had to make that call to his mother.
I had to call Abate, luckily I caught him just as he got into his car to drive back to Abilene from Lubbock. He had been staying at a close friend's house. I told him the news, he was crushed. I had him go back into his friend's place to stay until he could process the news before trying to drive.
It took a bit longer to reach Fantu. I had to text her and ask her to call as soon as she could. She was at church in Waco with friends and called as soon as the service was over. I will never forget the sound of her grief and tears. Her friends brought her home to Gatesville.
Later that day I spoke with the coroner. They knew the death was natural causes but they were debating sending him away for an autopsy. We would know more the following day. As it turned out on Monday after the head coroner and two physicians examined Alan they concluded that an autopsy would not be required. All signs pointed to cardiac arrest with contributing factors of obesity, high blood pressure, years of smoking, alcohol and taking Narcon (acetaminophen with codeine) while consuming alcohol. His body was being released to the funeral home there in Louisiana and I had already spoken with them with instructions to go ahead and cremate his body and we would drive over and collect his ashes. He did not wish to be embalmed and time was of the essence if that was not to be done.
So while all of this was going on we were trying to find out from his place of employment if he had and an estimated amount of life insurance if he had. We of course were looking at funeral expenses and then the cost of airfare for Abate and Fantu to escort his ashes to Ireland. We felt it was better to hold the memorial service there as he wished his ashes to be scattered on the streets of his hometown of Tullamore. After several phone calls back and forth they called Fantu and informed her that there was no insurance, no benefits as he had been fired from his job on Wednesday, the day he was released from the hospital, All benefits expired the following day. This was quite unexpected. It was a problem. The kids and I just do not have extra money laying around. Just the airfare was going to be $3000. The cremation was another $3000+. I could not take on that amount of debt. Alan is my EX, I'm sorry but I just cannot be responsible for that. After speaking with Fantu we decided we would have to ask Alan's sister to pay for the cremation. She can easily afford it. I will skip details here as I get extremely angry at how the events of the next few hours unfolded. She agreed to pay but only if they could have the funeral home ship Alan's ashes directly to them, therefore cutting Abate and Fantu out of the picture. I had tried to tell her I could fly Fantu over with the ashes (she really wanted to bring her dad home to Ireland) but they insisted that they be shipped directly. We had no choice but to agree. Fantu and Abate decided that they would not attend a memorial service there as they were made to feel unwelcome and also the because of the expense. I called the funeral home and gave the okay for them do to as his sister demanded. I did ask though that they keep a small portion of his ashes aside to be placed in small memorial urns for his two children. We will hold our own small memorial when the time is right for us.
We have had no further communication from his family in the two weeks that have followed. I have however learned through the grapevine that his service is planned for this upcoming Monday, over three weeks since he passed. They are having his ashes blessed by a priest and buried in a grave with his Grandmother, not scattered in Tullamore per his wish. His ashes were on a plane to Ireland over a week ago. As of last evening they are sitting somewhere in Irish customs. If they do not clear customs today, they will not be there on Monday for his service. Karma? Maybe, but I awoke suddenly last night and had a sudden thought pop into my head. It was as though Alan tapped me on the shoulder and said. " What they did to the kids is wrong and the funeral is not what I wished, I think I will sit this one out."
So Abate, Fantu and I will be fine. We are strong and have overcome much in our lives. Alan's estate is in shambles but we are slowly mucking our way through and hope at the end of the day there may be a little something to provide a safety net for them both. As for me, I'll try to live in the moment and find joy whenever I can. I was not able to shed any tears for Alan myself as I cried a river of them when we split up. The pain then was as bad as it could get. There is nothing left in me but a sadness that he lived his life on a path of self-destruction and he knew it would take his life at an early age. He could not and would not change no matter how much we tried to convince him. I told myself (and Alan) the other day - Alan, I told you this would happen, see... so get back here and make the changes you need to so you can live many more years. But then I had to realize he doesn't get a second chance and neither do we.
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