I'm Not SMAD (Social Media Anxiety Disorder) !

Listening to the car radio on the drive into work they were talking about Social Media Disorders, I can’t remember the full term it had been given but I have always heard it as Facebook Envy.  Haven’t we all at one time (probably multiple times) been reading a friend’s post and think about just how amazing their life is. They seem to have it all, success, a nice home, maybe wealth, perfect kids, amazing careers and exciting adventures.  How is it some people just have it so lucky all the time.  Just look at me… I’m an administrative assistant in a government job, my husband drives a truck for UPS. Our home is extremely small by American standards (900 sq. ft.), it is usually messy and everything is covered in dog hair. There will be dirty dishes sitting out somewhere and usually headphones, cellphones or other electronics littered across the tables and counters. The bathroom is rarely clean for more than a few minutes. We don’t own a car that is newer than 6 years old.

Raising two Ethiopian teens is always an adventure. Oh heck raising any teenager is an adventure. Helping then with homework in subjects I never took is headache inducing. Trying to keep up with their busy schedules takes multiple calendars and phone reminders.  The back of my car is always packed with stadium seats, lawn chairs, umbrellas and quilts. I am prepared for any weather condition at any game. Getting to my spare tire is almost like unpacking a house. It’s no wonder I drove 38 miles home with a low air pressure light glowing a warning at me last month.

I love to plan and shop for things to try new recipes for dinner only to end up postponing them because no one will be making it to the table for dinner that night. The freezer is often filled with the possibilities of a now future culinary challenge. In recent weeks I have had four planned meals postponed, the only good thing I can say about that is that it cuts down the grocery expenses.

I have dogs. I love to post pictures of the dogs on FB. They are usually pictures taken when they are asleep.  It’s a good thing that pictures don’t emit an odor, because quite often while these adorable old dogs are sleeping so sweet they are emitting the most rancid of farts. Bonnie also has horrid allergies that often cause skin infections. Sadie sheds worse than any dog I have ever owned and Schindler eats dog poo.

Envy me? My life is quite ordinary. I am now 55 years old, gravity is winning the battle.  I have to choose clothes oh so carefully to hide all the lumps and sags that the years tell their tale on my body. My eyesight worsens every year and I find that the most comfortable glasses for me are the nerdiest of Ray-bans. My sore neck is telling me I need new pillows, which is usually a case of trial and error before I find the perfect one. By that time everyone in the house will be sleeping on new ones.

I get excited with exotic trips to the home improvement store and garden center. The only weights I lift are baskets of laundry and my workouts are chasing after the dog after she crapped on the floor. My most exciting purchase in the past year was a robot vacuum that I purchased at a discount on Groupon.

Facebook envy, do I envy you with your beautiful family, perfect job, perfect home and perfect life. Not really because most of have had or will have teenagers, dogs or other pets and will deal with aging issues same as me.  I just hope you dog doesn’t fart when you home is full of guests.

This is me at my very normal job sitting at a desk all day every day.