Hopping Down the Bunny Trail

Sunday Morning 1:00 am this has been one helluva week.
Monday morning Abate got up in a foul mood. I managed to get him off to school before committing an unlawful act ( parents of teens I'm sure you understand). It left me a bit stressed going into work. Work not a bad week. One of my co-workers seems to have a complaint about something that at the core of the problem is the fact that she has had and has a number of days scheduled off work. Boss and I were feeling a bit like we were being thrown under the bus. The rest of the work week went well, it helped having Good Friday off for a paid holiday. As for the teenage boy it didn't get any better. By Wednesday I had had it (no I didn't break any laws) I instead went to DAD. I called in the reinforcements. The rudeness, disrespect, arguments etc. were dealt with hard and fast – Grounded for the whole 4-day Easter School Holiday. I get home from work I have a super depressed son, in tears but will not talk to me. I try and try to get him to open up to me. Nothing, Nada, Zilch. I send him on to bed. I am worried about him.
11:00 pm Wednesday night, I am awakened from a light sleep to a soft knock at the front door. I know before I answer it is the police. I also know it has something probably to do with my Mom ( I must admit though for a split second I wondered if boy teen had sneaked out and was picked up). It was my Mom, she had fallen , didn't appear injured but they needed me to come up to her house. She fell right beside her bed, she is now too weak to get herself back up. She was uninjured, I just had to sign some papers showing that she had refused to be transported to the hospital. I made sure she was safe back in bed and would be by to check on her in the morn. When I stopped in the next morn at 6:45 she was sleeping soundly. I knew though from this event it was time to place her in a nursing home. I made the calls later that afternoon to get the ball rolling. I had to see what I would need to do and to get prepared. I felt I had a few weeks to ease everyone into the idea and to prepare her. I talked to my sister, she agreed the time had come. I called and talked to the nicer of the two facilities in Gatesville, they have a place for her. I gave her what information I had. I would begin to get the things I needed to. I would in the coming weeks have to tell my Mom she would leave her home of nearly 31 years and go into a nursing home ( aka waiting for god living arrangements – purgatory on earth). How could I do it? I tried to picture myself in her shoes. Would I be ready for this near final stage in my life? Would I be emotionally ready to handle knowing that I was entering this place – my final home to spend my final days? Would I feel like I was being abandoned by my family or know that they did this because they were concerned for my safety. How would I feel? But I knew this was the only option left. I am not physically, emotionally or economically able to look after her on the level that she now requires. She is not able to financially able to pay for the full time care she now requires to stay in her home. Only this one option. But I would have time to ease her into this, Right?
While I am dealing with this I am also dealing with boy teen trying to negotiate his grounding. So in order to regain some of his freedom over the weekend he had to do some chores that he normally would earn extra money for. Mow the yard, clean out the garage. He also has to sleep in his own bed and be home by 11:30. He also has to buy his Mom flowers and be sweet, loving, respectful, and no moaning, arguments or other cranky typical teen behavior.
My head is wrecked.
Friday..... I stop in and check on Mom, she is doing fine. Then I;m off to my yearly physical with the best Doctor ever. It went well as I've no complaints that would be beyond normal for 53 yo female, actually I usually have less, as he brags on my health and physical condition each year – wishes he had more patients like me. This was the 3rd year in a row that my ( this is appts. By me – for me) only trip to the Doctor was my yearly physical. He did order a cholesterol blood test as I haven't had one in about 10 years and it was borderline high then ( hereditary not dietary). I should hear something back later in the week. At 1:00 pm I had my appt for my yearly mammogram. Never a pleasant experience but one I never miss. I don't suspect any problems, but I have scar tissue from a previous biopsy that every few years requires that I return for a closer look diagnostic biopsy. I don't get nervous now when I have to return, but omg how terrified was I 8 years ago when I was called back in for one after they spotted micro-calcification’s in my routine mammogram. It's those same micro-calcification’s that keep me faithful to that yearly boobie smashing.
After this was completed – oh how the boobies hurt Fantu and I went to lunch at Chuy's. One of my favorite Mexican food restaurants on the planet. Great lunch and I was feeling better. A quick shopping trip after to get Fantu a cute Easter outfit and we were on our way to see what the results were from her MRI she had on Wednesday ( it was supposed to be on Mon. but it didn't- don't ask – just more stress). So anyway the MRI showed that she does not require surgery – yay! It also showed that she does have the same Discoid Lateral Minuscus that was in her left knee. It currently shows a bit of wearing down between the joint but there are no tears at this time. So what does that mean? Will it eventually tear – maybe, well more than likely. But it may not, she may go for years without anything more than an occasional ache or pain. There really isn't any way to know. So we watch... we wait... we hope for the best. We then drive a forty minute drive from Waco to temple to meet Carrie. We are getting Caleb for the weekend. We are all excited, bug(his nickname) infestation! We return home, Fantu has a friend over for the night, Abate has a hot date with his girl – Sydnee. Pizza Hut for dinner and asleep just after 10. 1:00 am... thump.. thud... waaaaaahhhh, Caleb fell out of bed. He was sleeping with me. I jump up but almost before I can reach him Fantu comes flying in scoops him up and whisks him away to her room and to her bed. Nurse Fantu.
Saturday Morning... a full day ahead. I need to get groceries bought, go to Walmart and get a few things including a new pair of shoes for Caleb. Do laundry, help Abate clean out garage, edge the grass along the walk and driveway and then take the kids out for pictures in the bluebonnets and then dye and decorate Easter eggs.
8:30 head to grocery store, an hour later return home put it all away and start the laundry. Go out and get busy in the garden. Get the sidewalk and driveway all nicely edged and put the water sprinkler on for a short spell. I then help Abate clean out the garage. Remember all those decorations from Fantus birthday back in January – Disco party? Well they were still up. All the crap to go to the recycling center (at least a months worth) was piled everywhere. I helped direct him to what needed to be done and helped him when the job required it. It took about 90 minutes. It's better. It's not perfect because the recycling center was closed today. I really need to get some bins sorted out back so we can get this mess out of the garage. But at least it was organized. We could see the floor again.
Next thing to do – Walmart, Abate ready and off to the car. Caleb needs his shoes put on. Just as I finish I hear sirens coming close. As I step out to go to the car I see a police car fly up the street. Mom? Mom...I just know. Abate says no. wheres the ambulance... it has to come from across town, the police are closer, they always arrive first. “Lets go Mom” says Abate, I reply let me just drive up the street and be sure . So we go. As we near we see the police car stopped in front of her house. She is laying on the ramp leading from her door the the front walk. She is still,she is bleeding from a small cut above her eye. She has fallen again. 2nd time in a week. 3rd time in less than 3. She's says she is okay, no arguments this time... hospital bound. Fantu even comes up. She was out walking with her friends when she say the police then ambulance, she knew it was grandma.
I sent the kids on home and told them to stay there. Since I had bought groceries there was food for them to eat. I knew I would be hours up at the hospital. I knew too that Mom would not be returning home, this was the straw that broke the camels back... she would be going from the hospital to the nursing home. She cannot live alone any longer. My heart sank for her.
At the hospital I got her signed in. I discussed the events with the nurses and let them know I would need to speak in private with the doctor. He came in, he quickly checked her out, he then told her she really needed to be in an assisted living facility. She was not able to be on her own. I hadn't said a word to him yet but it was as if he knew what I had known for weeks. When he was done I asked to speak with him privately. We stepped out into the hall. I told him of my concerns in recent weeks, how I had already called The Meadows nursing home and started the early arrangements. I asked him to admit her overnight or two to the hospital ( I knew I was not able to look after her with the house full of kids and Alan out on the road). He agreed. He took the opportunity to do additional tests, to see if there may be more to this recent deterioration in her condition. X-rays, Blood, Urine and EKG were ordered. The techs trickled in. Hours ticked by. Finally the doctor stops in, they are admitting her to the hospital. Her blood work showed the presence of an enzyme that is only present after a heart attack. Her EKG was normal, she hasn't shown any signs of a heart attack or has she? After a bit of time I recall after her fall few weeks ago she complained for a day or so of how her chest hurt all the way thru from her breast to her back. I thought the pain was related to her fall. Now I wonder? I mention this to the doctor, he I just as unsure about it as I am.
Mom starts talking about getting more help in to help out in the morning. Maybe someone in for a few hours. She has had Kathy in every Mon- Fri afternoon plus she takes her to the Doctors and shopping for the past 3 years. She hopes that this will be what she needs to stay at home for a bit longer. I have to tell her no. I'm sorry Mom but it is not enough. You need someone 24/7. it would cost a crazy amount of money to do this. She will need to go to The Meadows. I see tears in her eyes. I try not to show mine. These I will save for later.... for now, as I write. I know that she has seen this coming. I know that this is not a surprise to her. But this does not make it any easier. I also know that in her eyes I will be the one that said “ Mom you cannot live at home, you must go wait for god.
I soon prepare to head home and check on the kids. I will stop by Moms and check on her Dog. I also need to pack her a suitcase. I walk into her house, a house she and my dad moved in to the week before I gave birth to Trevor. My son who died 10 years ago this June. 31 years he would be on 6-30-12. This is the house her and my dad shared for 25 years until his death over 5 years ago. This is the house I watched all their family gather, the grand kids play, holidays celebrated, deaths mourned. This house suddenly felt so empty.

I eventually made it to Walmart and got Caleb some new shoes, the dogs their food and coffee for us adults. Fantu got her some beef jerky to eat at midnight as the lenten fast ended. Her and I abstained from meat during the 40 days. I had planned on making a quiche for dinner, it was now well past 8, I picked up Taco Bell. I was wrecked both emotionally and physically. The day I had planned on spending with my kids and grandson were now just a passing thought. I feel sadness for the lost time I missed with them. The childhood holidays I have with them are so few as they grow up too quickly. I am also blessed with them as they so easily understood the pain that this day brought to their Grandma and mom.

Now as Saturday passes into Sunday Abate and Fantu wander in and out as I write. Fantu cried with me and Abate came in and brought great laughter. Fantu soon joined in as we laughed about the joys of being a teenager. Life going up and down just like the Easter bunny hopping along the trail.