Sometimes I feel like my life is enclosed inside a bubble. I am so busy with just the things so close to me it is hard to take in the things that happen outside of it. Work, family, the kids school schedules, health concerns, and running the house, seem to take up not just my time, but my thoughts. I don’t get to watch the news like I used to. Now it’s just quick clips as I pass a home page while signing on to my email, social concerns come by way of friends sharing them on Facebook. I am starting to feel isolated, which feels strange in this world of connectivity.
I have friends I have never met in person, yet we share our lives and interests on Facebook. I have a smart phone that keeps me connected 24/7, even if I may not want to be. Just how difficult is it to turn off? Am I concerned I may miss something? Well that’s a yes and no. Yes I worry when Alan is out on the road. If something were to happen… well I’d rather not think about that. Sometimes Abate will text during the night (even though he is in his room opposite the wall) just to remind me of something that needs doing first thing when I awake. I know too that there are those calls you don’t want to get, the news that you don’t want to hear but must. My cell phone is my only phone, no landlines in our house. I also have the problem turning off my phone as it’s a multistep process that sometimes just doesn’t want to cooperate. Honest, I am not kidding, my phone is a pain to turn off. No simple on/off switch for this smart phone – it’s too smart to want to be disconnected from the world.
Living in this bubble, this sometimes feeling of isolation lends a surreal existence to my life. I see the things going on outside, but yet they don’t touch me, at times they barely affect me on an emotional level. Yesterday while driving to work there was a car headed in the opposite lane coming towards me it drifted off the road, overcorrected and went into a mad spin, zig-zagging on and off the road into the grass, back onto the pavement numerous times. I drove right past, that car and it’s driver spinning right by me. I never braked, just barely slowed down. I didn’t have any kind of emotional response. I thought maybe I should stop, to see if the driver was ok as his car came to rest in the grass. But by then I was well up the road and other cars were drawing closer. It was only moments later when I realized what a close call that had been. He could’ve just as easily spun into my path, I was driving 70mph, what would’ve happened… what if? But there was no “what if”, I was still traveling to work. My morning would continue as before.
Have I become so disconnected because of the demands of my own life? Am I not able to feel empathy towards those outside my bubble. I know it’s there inside me still. I have dreams that someday I will have the time and money to do things to give back to others. I want to volunteer in Ethiopia at the orphanage where Abate and Fantu lived I want to volunteer in my community – to work at the library for a few hours each week. If I had the money I’d love to help start programs to help the youth in our towns. But for now I’m enclosed in my bubble, I am busy, I have a family, a job and a life I chose. Someday my bubble will burst, but this will be a good thing, one I will look forward too.
1 comment:
You are not alone. Sometimes I feel like parenting my son takes all of my emotional energy, all of my patience and compassion... which means there is not a lot left for anyone else. My focus has narrowed. I read the paper once a week (well, I read one paper a week, and it is usually takes a week to get through it). I see the odd thing a friend posts or emails about, and if it has some relevance to our life, it might hold my interest. But I used to be a complete news junkie, read at least one paper a day, volunteer for hours every week, socialize and be very engaged in the outside world.
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