Maybe I Need a Security Blanket

I am living a life that is often difficult, but it is full of rewards. It often has many unexpected occurrences, though I'd say overall I'm living a life I planned and hoped for. The days are busy and I'm exhausted, but yet they fly by too quickly. Laughter and joy often fills the hours,but yet the sadness often creeps in and frustrates us all. I try to live each day and be thankful for it, but I know from experience that uncertainties and difficulties can always be just ahead and it worries me.
I will see other people living what appears to be a perfect life. No worries, no sadness. Perfect kids, perfect relationships. Good health, successful careers, lovely homes and nice cars. Joy and laughter, unwavering faith. They seem to have it all. What do they see when they see me? See my family?
When people look at me do they see a confident woman, a proud wife and mother? Do they see the love I have for my family? Do they see the commitment I have to do my best for them? Do they hear the laughter? The learning? Do they notice the quiet times, the evening meals or prayers? Or do they see the insecurities that I have that I'll fail my family. Do they see how tired I am at the end of the day. Do they sense the concern I have for my families safety and health. Do they see the sadness we all have for the losses we have suffered. Do they see when I anger and yell? What about when I'm frustrated? Do they sense the worry I have for tomorrow, next week, next month or next year? Do people see my determination?
I often hear the comment that "Abate and Fantu are so lucky to have you". Do Abate and Fantu feel that way. Will they feel that way as the years pass? Should they ever feel that way? Are they lucky children? Were they lucky that their parents died when they were young? Were they lucky that their only living relatives - an Aunt and Uncle took them in, yet then also died? Were they lucky to live for nearly 4 years in an orphanage? Were they lucky to be taken from their culture and country by strangers and expected to love and thrive in this new environment? This new family? Alan and I are the lucky ones. We have the opportunity now to share our lives with these two terrific kids. We get to be the ones that will give them opportunities to be the best that they can be. We get to love them. We can hope that they will love us. That they will take advantage of the opportunities that we give them. That they will see us as their parents just not today, but for the rest of their lives.